July 14 & 15

When I got home I was allowed to begin "free fluids".  Basically anything up to the consistency of custard.  I was pretty excited about custard just quietly!  I will do this for 2 weeks to make sure that I am gentle on my new stomach and let it heal properly.  The discomfort I originally felt when having the clear liquids has gone and I can now tolerate a decent mouthful of liquids, however, now I get it with the thicker liquids.  I am very aware of the liklihood of pain (which isn't unbearable, but more uncomfortable) and have been avoiding getting to that point.  I have to "eat" about 1500ml of fluids each day.  This is difficult, believe me.  I have been walking around with a glass of something in my hand to make sure that I am regularly drinking something (especially water).  I am crucially aware of becoming dehydrated and ending up back in hospital.

I find myself a little confused by the sensations that I am feeling and what my brain is telling me.  I can't recognise hungry at the moment.  I haven't felt hungry at all since the surgery.  Psychologically I want to chew on something (more on that later), but I am not hungry as such.  I understand uncomfortable (which I assumed was "I'm full"), but I really am experiencing more of "not interested" and "don't give two shits".  I wish that I had felt that at any time of my life pre-surgery.  I only ever felt the need to consume until there is nothing left.  How times have changed!

We went into town today to get a few things and drop off some of my stuff to Vinnie's.  On the way home Ben got some hot chips.  ohemgee they smelt divine.  I knew I couldn't eat them and that wasn't a problem. I didn't care at all. But I could chew them.  And chew them I did.  When I got home I chewed up and then spat out two chips.  It's actually quite difficult to not swallow what you are chewing.  But you know what, I got the sensation that I had been longing for since before starting that pre-surgery diet.  Hot and crunchy carbs in my mouth.  Yummo!  I happily spat them out and that was that.  Craving satisfied!

Incidently, I am now 10kg lighter than I was on the 27th of June when I started the Optifast diet.  Nice!